Pirate Riders
May 26, 2016
I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The …
Pirate Riders
May 26, 2016
Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m partial to air conditioning. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. Pretend. You pretend the feelings are there, for the …
Pirate Riders
May 26, 2016
I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks! I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie …
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, …
Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice! What… is your quest? Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean? Camelot! Burn her! We …
OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think? Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside …
Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Really? Did nothing cancel? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Mr. F He’ll …
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But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. I want to come with …
Pirate Riders
April 10, 2016
A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only …
Pirate Riders
April 5, 2016
Keep your mind limber. Rorschach would say you have a hard time relating to others. Somehow, I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. This man is a knight in shining armor. Keep your mind limber. You all right, Dexter? Born Free Watching ice melt. …
Pirate Riders
March 29, 2016
There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Army had half a day. That’s why you always leave a note! Exit Strategy There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. …
Pirate Riders
March 26, 2016
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Pirate Riders
March 26, 2016
What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Michael! Marry me. …
Pirate Riders
March 26, 2016
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